HAVE YOU EVER FELT IT

Have you ever felt it that feeling of of being connected without words or signs.  It is that energy created by our mind of emotion. I was about 20 years old when I first experienced it.  It was as if it were some type of static electricity or attraction.  I was walking down the supermarket isles by myself one day around 12:00 in the after noon one summer searching for groceries to buy.  I was feeling very good that day "nothing or no one could affect me" I thought to myself.  So I was passing isle after isle eager to leave when a young customer like me starter getting closer to me. I did not think much of it I dismissed it as any regular situation of life. That is until I was right parallel to her.  I know she felt it too as she her cheeks turned pinked from her shyness looking towards me reacting to feeling the energy. It is this feeling that runs through body some say its butterflies others say it cupid I think its energy created from your mind and soul.  Some type of energy static in nature that has attracting effect, some thing that you live for  all your life to feel it. Unknowingly you will feel it again later on in life.  A feeling of bliss, relaxation, and tranquility almost like in the movies but this is real stuff.  Moments like this make you live and explore life. I hope you have felt it because it will make you live even more than ever.  It can also be the power of love or nature.  

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

In the spring of 1999 in the city of Los Angeles I find myself as a young 19 year old who is to climbing the latter of life with an ambition unsurpassed by most.  As I pass through obstacle after obstacle living the life that I believed was the right one.   One day I was giving an employee to work with me. She was beautiful from the start that had to put my guard on as I thought to my myself "this is going to be hard".  But if I don't hang in there I will never succeed.  So as I find myself working with this young girl about the same age as me I find myself struggling to maintain composure. her name is Marina Rocha a 19 year old girl from the city of Lynwood about 2 miles from where we worked.  So as time passed month after month getting to know her knowing her faces, smirks, vices, and character I end up connected somehow.  Still maintaining that barricade protecting myself from her. I would feel some energy,  electricity, or force every time I got close to her. It was a force of attraction like two magnets coming together.  My heart would automatically start rushing.  I started thinking of her at work  when she was off when I was off at home and when I was just anywhere. The barricade that I had built for myself was not working and I was feeling helpless and vulnerable.  I became scared of what was happening an attraction so great that would be in uncontrolled,  distorted, or scrambled my way of thinking. I would go to work hoping to see her she was the highlight of my day. "How can this be" I asked my self .  Some days would notice that she reacted the same way as I did towards her.  One day I decided to to change my self , I shaved my mustache and got a nice high fade thinking "this would change my way of thinking when I am around her" but what do you know she had changed her hair colors and style looking different as well the very same morning that I did.  Was this coincidence or what.  I had never had a girl and I started to feel insecure by now. she struck herself into my soul, my heart, and mind "what should I do" I asked myself.  at this moment a year after I met her I was starting fall away from my job and was having conflicts with management "it must be her she is changing me" I  thought to myself.  Instead of facing and embracing her.  I asked for transfer of location in order avoid her since the mental barricade I had built to protect myself from her had failed.  And there I went left her and I'm off to my new location.  I was not thinking of the consequences of not expressing myself and telling her what I felt, instead I decided to flee.   Day after day I would get a feeling of loneliness, I would ask my self "what is she thinking right now is she thinking of me too."  A couple of months passed by and I got the courage to revisit the location where she was working and tell how I felt and to my dismay I find out that she no longer working there.  My heart shattered like broken window, my soul was emptied like vacuum sucking everything, and my mind was erased from the memories I had with her as if was a hardrive that reformatted.  I returned to my car and as I sat there I realized I let her go after having her so close to me. I Loved her so much not realizing I let her go.  I will always love you,when I left you part of me stayed with you and I part of you stayed with me, bonded until time itself. That part I have taken from you will stay forever in my soul, mind, and heart in order to keep myself complete.   THE END